From Earth to Vegeta. From Namek to Arlia. From all over the North Quadrant, this, is CNN.

Hello, and welcome to CNN. I’m Sandy Rivers. Exclusive news broke this morning on planet Earth, home-world of the human race. At approximately 4:15 am, a large, meteor-like object crashed into a coastal city. Strangely enough, there was reportedly no impact.

Further, unconfirmed reports apparently report that the mass that collided with the city was possibly biological in origin. Military was on-scene almost immediately, and was quick to dismiss theories and allegations, including that it was an alien life-form, and that it was some form of secret chemical weapon. Captain Maxson had this to say about the incident:

“I can assure the populace that this is certainly not a weapon of any sort, nor is it a creature of any kind. It’s merely an unstable material, probably broken away from an asteroid further out in space. It was just happenstance that it drifted our way. We’re cleaning it up as we speak, and will send samples to several labs around the world for an unbiased analysis.”

Unfortunately, there was a violent occurrence in the same city just two hours later, during which time Captain Maxson was killed in action. As he was the only one present authorized to speak with the media, we were unable to discern what happened next.

Our hearts here at CNN go out to those lost in the conflict. As we speak, the city has been surrounded by heavily armed soldiers. The perimeter consists of hastily dug trenches, barbed-wire fences, and barricades, and wooden watchtowers. The area just outside the city limits are patrolled constantly by foot soldiers, tanks, and other vehicles, and fighter jets and helicopters have been seen flying overhead very frequently.

We’re going to our correspondent, Bruce Chun, at the scene. Bruce?

“Thank you, Sandy. As you can see, the military presence here is strong. You can see tanks, jeeps, armored trucks, planes, and helicopters, and not one soldier has been spotted without their assault rifles in their hands, ready to fire.

I have seen some special forces members dressed in black fatigues and gas masks walking around with flamethrowers; an odd sight in this day and age, even for a war-zone. There has been no information as to who or what has sparked the need for all thi-” loud pops and shouting interrupt Bruce. “They’ve opened fire! They’ve opened fire!! Gunshots are ringing through the air, we’ll have to take cover behind this bunker. It seems that, it- it- well... viewers, I... it appears the enemy in the city is definitely not... human.

They’re off-green and... have huge claws- no human can fight like that, but... their overall shape is still the same as-”

Attention, warriors residing within the northern quadrant! You’ve been asked to head to Earth for a special defense mission!! Unfortunately, it appears we require your assistance once again. For a limited time, we’ve made arrangements with Capsule Corporation to offer free transportation from virtually anywhere in the galaxy to our encampment on Earth, just outside the embattled city! Entering through one of these free teletubes means you agree to assist us in anyway possible. We require your help immediately! Rewards will, of course, be offered.